red traffic lights

he's leaving

2008-09-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

the news came by as a shock.. i still cant believe it.. just as we strt to patch things up again.. you're leaving. why? why are your parents desperately want u away...? i just dont get it.

i need u..
u know that.
but now ur leaving me

12th october egypt.

great. can this get any better.
we dont get to celebrate raya together..
u only have a few days before raya then u leave
im afraid i might not be able to see u.

im afraid things get so bad..
im afraid to loose u

i love you sufyan

u cant go.
just not...not now
i need u

you'll be gone for 5 years
i dont think
things are going to be like it is now
im scared u might change

shots of people ; nikon d60

2008-09-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

so the first shot was a pic of my cousin, diyana, second my dearly beloved mother. caught her picture off guard.. she didnt like it as she complains her pore as so visible.. hmm.. theres always photoshope.. and the 2 pics below is my cousin and her lil friend shot at a bday party. they had this sweet white dresses on. well so young so innocent eyh.. :)

bertudung xD

2008-08-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

so yeah. some reunion.. something to do with highschool.. explains why everyone had tudung on.. incase you dont know, all schools in jb tundung is a must wear thing.. hmm. its just the rules.

so yea this event was held at bluewave grand hotel.. well not so grand. could be a 3-stars hotel.

theme was retro& casual.. i dont get the specific theme.. but yea i only had bju kurung on.. i had a long sleeve shirt and pants on before but changed it last minute coz i thought.. well mommy thought it wasnt appropriate for highschool event.. so had to change it..

everybody looked rather nice tho.. so bright and colorful. yea some had make up failure but im always the one who comes to the rescue.. teehee

well all and all.. the event was ok ok laa. some point it was rather boring. ainul was like so unorganised.. pathetic though. but we all give crdit to her since she tried so hard and making this lil lunch work..

saturday fever!!

2008-07-26T02:28:00.000-07:00

i love you guys muchhhhh muahxxxxxxx :*
yes after the event and dead tired and very happy indeed

fifa at the back and keena and i at the front :))

this is me with darling fifa. i wonder why she likes to make her eyes as big as a fish when we take pictures. ahaha but yet still purdy. this was after the dancing and the show.. fincally over yet looking uber pretteyhh :P forgive me for the brag-ness

this is me on the way home.. teehee for a wedding plak daaa rush rush.. darling cousins

getting married and i'm not dressed yet.. oh well make up is there and done already

me and tired looking darling keena after the parade. i'm still up for some shots haha

so yes, once again another exciting moment to remember. we got ourselfves involved in the "Kembara Mahkota Parade" for pesta flora and fauna and it was awesome. there was thousands of people and well yes many people and kids... took part in this lil event. it was fun though we didnt have much fun to begin with. guess some people dont have any dancing expeiences and happened to do this first time in their life... kindda difficult and annoying when they cant keep up and we had to make the whole dancing choreographer slow... blaaah! ...
but at the end of the day it was fun fun fun :) i didnt like our costume.. well the hat is just trashy.. we were kindda a fashion victim but who cares, it's a costume. and we rocked as the flower girls teeheeee ^-^ oh did i mention we had to wake up dead early to get ready make up and stuff.. 4 am!! i woke up at 2 coz we had to be at the spot at 4 am sharp!!! damn it was crazy! heee.

we prepared dead early and waited to perform more than 4 hours til i' our turn. lasted for 3 minutes but it was worth waiting for... hee..

though it's a shame we didnt really get to be on tv much.. yes.. except for that "lucky" hat... nasib topi tinggi and berkilat kilaattt...

2008-07-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

for love sake

2008-06-24T00:25:00.000-07:00

so again, i havent been active surfing the net except myspace. thinking of doing facebook again when i get all my pics together :)

class finishes late everyday starting tomorow. damn it. kalo best takpe. cam taik. :(

my love life is going great. yada ada yada yada

though last saturday the day ended bad as i got into with my now a fight with my boyfriend.. actually we had a fall out 3 times that day. but the third time was the worst. i admit it was my bad. i screwed up. oh did i cry and cried.i took the situation and handle it in a really bad way. i even ate those sleeping pills more than a normal person would take. i kindda overdosed and my heart beat beated faster than ever. i never cried because of a boy but i admit i loved him. so i did and i got angry at myself. i know i havent been telling the truth lately eventhough i promises we would trust each other. it's kindda hard. but after the incident at pangs shop last saturday and when my boyfriend actually flipped out at me. i realised he really does love and care for me. only that i was in this dilemma. im trying to change but it takes time.

so sunday, i went and have a talk with my boyfriend and he comfort me and we had a talk about trust and honesty and how we'er going to work out in the future. i really love him. i never loved anyone and we're serious about each other. i know he is for sure.

it was really hard for me to move on from the pass. i was in a really bad depression, drugs and pots. mom got me into this therapy shi but it didnt work at first then she sent me to this pshycologist whtsername.. and i guess i got ok after some time.

now that i'm involved with my boyfriend i'm happy. a girl should deserve to have her heart treated like a princess. some who knows how to take care and bring happiness to her. i'm getting it now. it seem so.

:)

hello

2008-06-03T02:39:00.000-07:00

so i havent written for a while. thing is that i'm always too busy doing i-dont-know-what and i just canat be bothered getting my butt online. maybe coz i go out and hey, i have a life.

currently listening to leona lewis and my brother poor guitar playing. making my eardrums tickle slightly. i just got back from the gym.

i'm on holiday but class is starting this monday. so back to busy busy and actually yes i'll be busy. it's law we're talking about no play play anymore. i just got back from the gym. it's been awhile i last work out. ok... it's been forever i havent work out till today. can't believe i sweat my whole body today. teehee. my boyfriend. kindda find it sexy when i told him over the phone haha
so meeting him tmro and cant wait coz i miss him terribly and it's been awhile since we last spend time together

2008-05-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

so it's the second week and it's finally the holidays. hmm pretty quick i should say since i just started getting back to studying. i'm drowned with assignments and lots and lots of presentation after the holiday. guess the lecturers really kept us all busy during the hols. i mean yea, we had a long break of complaining how bored we are, nah! amik kau, lecturer dah kasi assignmnts!!

havent decided yet if we're going for the movies tonight. i miss spending time with dearest mom and having a good time at the mall.shop shop. we havent done it for quite some time now since everybody hardly see each other. i kindda miss it. this is what happens when everybody is so caught up with work or school or wtv and they forget that they actually have a family. i know mom is planning on going tmrow or tonight but i insist of going tonight since i have made plans with my friends. hmmmmm

last week was the shuffle competition event at city square. i spent the whole day there. not a big fan on shuffle shit now than before. i guess i kindda grew out of it. but i'm still into the whole cheerleading and dancing spirit :P i know i'm an awesome dancer than those kids trying hard on stage but i dont want to brag about it. ha-ha.

the chronicles of narnia; prince caspian. the movie wasnt as good as the first one i got to admit. i watched it last week though i wasnt concentrating much on it since the theater was dead freezing and .... i couldnt having feel my fingers. i would rate the movie 4 out of 5. maybe i have to watch it all over again.

the latest indiana jones is out. maybe we might go and watch it tonight at tebrau city. pretty excited. shia la beouf is a hottie with a capital O. oooh yeaaah

other than that, yes i think i'm in love. i'm not sure. it's that time of still getting to know each other deeper..

fallen angel

2008-05-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

i know them angels are out somewhere. one day one will come and rescue me from all the bad things that had happened. i plead for it to come. and take me.

the new beginning

2008-05-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

it's like stepping into a whole new world. only i see some familiar faces which i'm glad to seee. taking pre-U a-levels is a challenge really- especially when the subjects taken is beyond your expectation. and then there's degree and master and pHd? whosh. seems like i've taken my mind a lil too far already. hee

so made a few new friends. non of them seems cute enough for my liking haha. but however, they seemed like the people you're glad to meet.

yesterday was the last day of orientation. glad it was over. i had to be the host for the closing ceremony. i kindda blew but it's all forgiven. haha. mind me, it is a first time thing :l

so we re-unite once more. though at one point, i thought of puking whenever i see their faces. ha-ha. but now i'm glad. my bestfriend is here with me. but most have gone. nope, not that they died. just went for different places to study. which made me wonder how they are now. weird how i still miss my friends back in highschool. lol. maybe coz they were my everything and the most appreciative people i know.

class is starting next week. i'm sure it's going to be tough as we were given a brief about the subjects we take. i know mine is tougher than ever so i figured that i have to change myself an start to not take time for granted. no more playing and i think focusing on my future is more important at this point-so i've been told

and about guys, hurm i think i have to really focus more on my studies than them. this may sound as typical as anything, but having so many guys around me sometimes drives me up the walls. not that it's a bad thing but sometimes confusing.

well put them aside shall we.
even my so-called "love life" is not going anywhere and for some reason, i couldnt care less

2008-05-07T00:12:00.000-07:00

frequent dreams

2008-05-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

it's always that same dream
same place and same situation
everyone is just the same.

Aberdeen, Scotland, Gordon Barracks to be exact. pretty much where i grew up. oh my, i love growing up there. you have no idea how much i love growing up and having lots of friends from different countries and races. i was always the boss and the troubled kid who always end up kicking the ball at neighbors windows ha-ha i remember alot from the pass. and how i get scold by some woman whos brain was in the drain heh.

it's always that dream i have
dreaming of Gordon Barracks, how i knock on Binan's door and would see her countless siblings everywhere in her little cottage.

i would dream of gordon barracks alot but it's not the same anymore. it's quite. too quite. but my friends were there. i dont know why. even though gordon barracks was my home and we moved but i always end up having a dream of gordon barracks and play with my friends. and how i always knock on my friends door to call them out for a water fight every summer, snow ball fights every winter, making sunflower chains during spring and throwing dead leaves at each other in autumn.

i really miss them
-everything
i really do
:(

beautiful aint it?

2008-04-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

si kura kura

2008-04-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

ar yea i bought two tortoise today. but i only own one of them. i shall call it turtle. i thought of calling it michael angelo but .. nah!!! it's too long for a slow poke. isnt it just adorable. i love tortoise. i would like to own an orang hutan aswell but my mom wouldnt let me. heh. dont know what's her problem. guess the house is already a zoo.

what's left of highschool

2008-04-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

just some random photos back in the days of highschool. SMKTDS,JB is where i went. erm nope it's not an all-islamic school, it's just that all muslim girls must wear a "tudung" to school. it's the school rules that goes to all schools in JB. absolutely miss the moments in highschool. the dramas, the wars and the gossips.

[click to get a better view, while you're at it. try to find me lol]

oh my god, i just realized that i'm much more nerdy than i am now
*blushes*

SMKTDS,JOHOR BAHRU

SPM CANDIDATES 2007

memories worth keeping

you guys were equally annoying and will be missed

sekolahku

2008-04-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

had a good bowse through youtube and i found this. afdlin shauki and harith iskandar made my day. salute:D

haha. so kids. Physical Education IS IMPORTANT!!!! so have a good laugh. well i think it was funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbCY0v2m1x4

flashback

2008-04-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

awww &&& yet it never happened *humming* ha-ha

berasmara

2008-04-19T00:42:00.000-07:00

random photos

2008-04-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

some random shots taken last year during my period of time in highschool. tickles me how my friends can play a part in the whole picture taking process and most of it was candid pictures.

everybody comes in different packages

2008-03-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

i wouldnt say i'm fat or skinny either but i have curves!!!!
ha-ha

so eat healthy and live healthy ye kanak-kanak :D

kalo rasa diri tuh gemuk rajin2 la bersenam sekurang-kurangnye 10 minute setiap hari :)
hik hik

jessica simpson sgt hensem

2008-03-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/v/j80YDDfiaT4&hl=en

kacak la diorg nih

2008-03-25T23:33:00.000-07:00

pieces by pieces

2008-03-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

Finally back on track. Picking little bit by bits slowly. It’s been a while since I first lost my internet touch. Even lost touch with some of the people I met on the internet and was rather close to them once. Now that I’m back to being the me again, I’m starting the whole new life story. Though I just turned 18 [urm like 2 days ago heee] I feel it’s the near 30 ha-ha. 18 is just a figure, I still have the young spirit in me somewhere tee-hee

Ever since I finished high school, things were just never the same. A lil lost that’s for sure. People tell me its normal so I guess it is. I realized that I haven’t spend my time in the happiest way. Meaning.. All this time I was cooked up in school and the whole SPM thing mainly focusing in the school life society.. Not blending and going out much… the teenage thing. Bet everyone been there done that… just never got out of that box until one day.. BAM! Everything changes and you realized you’re in the actual world where people don’t treat you like when you were in high school, they don’t manja-manjakan you, you have to be independent most of the time and learn how to survive. I admit I faced a lot of peer pressure through out the waiting for SPM results to come out.

Then the job.. I got a job. At this cool [only by first impression] place which is like 20 to 30 minutes away from where I live. At first yea I thought.. All right I got the job. was happy and thought I could make around RM1000+ at a place like this... And did I thought wrong. To keep the story short… work for 12 hours everyday, no off days for the first month [due to Chinese new year and what not la], met not the nicest people on earth and only live to sleep.. Oh did I mention? The pay suck! Not complaining but it’s just facts. Spend 3 months feeling miserable and not feeling good about myself [in fact, I felt suicidal at that time] and being around people with such low mentality and thinking that I might turn into something like them, scares me. But thank god I quit the job and got myself back together. The great thing about the job is that I met quite a lot of people.. I mean, people I never knew exist. Ha-ha. At the same time I met really cool people. To thing back again, it’s just an experience. Not my career. Why bother feeling bad about it and regret over it right?

Anyways.. I’m now not doing anything… and pretty much broke. Ha-ha. I got my pay after I resigned but finished it all in less than a week I should say. Talking about spending wisely.. Guess I was really tensed up that I never went shopping for a real long time which drives me to this feeling of spending & spending & spending and not thinking what would happen if I finished all my money. Which I did. I don’t even know what I bought and spend it all on. Guess I should plan the next time I decide to spend my money on something. I got to stick to my budgets I supposed

Basically I’m happy, I start to write and talk to my online friends again. I even start myspacing again… though I lost a lot of friends in my friends list but that don’t matter. I don’t even know half the people on my list anyway. & recently I even met some of them. Which was cool. I travel by myself a lot now. Though my mom doesn’t like the idea of me traveling alone. But I do. She doesn’t see it unless I say “Ma, send me to the bus stop” I think I’m becoming more independent now. I don’t rely much on my parents now than I used to. I will be more independent and survive when I get into college. I cant wait to get into college. I’ll be meeting new people that’s for sure. I love meeting new people. So I could show them I could smile and talk too heee. I’m still surveying for colleges though. Asking around and getting opinions. I want to do mass communication please get a degree on that and get the best job offers. This time I have my future well planned. About getting into relationships when in college [so they been asking me]? I think I would not have to worry much on that. I would mainly focus on my studies rather than go on a mission to find a lover. I have better things to do. My parents didn’t pay for my college so I could go find a soul-mate, if that was so, i rather be a match-maker

So yeah got recent photos up on myspace.. oh and yea I also have on myspace. Comment if you must. add me if ou haven't yet :)

lihat myspaceku

here are some of my would say random things i shot way back before i even sat in my PMR exams :]]

oh i love cats!! though i'm allergic to them sometimes but there is no harm of loving them and having them as pets.. ok i gotta admit that i do have "too" many cats

red traffic lights

2008-03-25T17:44:00.000-07:00

“my red traffic lights” by all means.. The journey and daily routine I go through everyday in life. Sounds emo? Not really. The word “red traffic light” dah lama ade dalam kepala. Sejak habis sekolah. Maybe coz I see it everyday. i mean, kesesakan jalan raya di siang hari dan di malam bute. Red traffic lights. meanings to that “red traffic lights”. it doesn’t have to be the traffic light it self. In my little head… Red traffic can be stop, anger and rage.. I don’t know to be exact. But it has a lot of different meanings I can’t describe. But it is something I’m willing to go through and work my way as a surviver.

dilemma

2008-03-06T18:12:00.000-08:00

seeing paul -unexpectedly, was odd. having him hugging me and giving me a peck on the cheek, and asking me where i've been and saying he misses me (take a deep breathe and closes my eyes) just gave me flashbacks of what happened to us and what we had.guess the way i planned last saturday changed. (this is what i had on mind- go to city square, collect my check, hopingnot to bum into anybody, and get out.) and well. i bummed into paul.. GREAT!*_*now having flashbacks and remembering the memories we had together. oh darn.. darn you!. i was trying to avoid seeing you and yet, you're the one i saw. i dissapeared, yes like you said, i dissapeared. i was hurt for goodness sake. you screwed us up. and it was really hard for me to do so and it took me guts to just leave you.i dont get why so many girls out there are after you and yet, you would end up being with me. you're just one heck of a guy.just seeing you last saturday, i hate it when u give me that horrible grinding(yet effin adorable.. argh screw it teera you're not falling for him.. again!) smile. that's the reason i'm trying to avoid you. it (unfortunately) melts me (and any girl would). khjfjhjdkhg;;;

you!!

oh nonono NO WAY we're getting back together. you screwed it. no matter how cute, hot(and i mean HOT with the capital "T" and i know for the fact if we had a baby together it will be one heck of a beautiful baby :/) and has that wayyyy sexy ass than any other guys would have. nuh-uh over means overthis is the dilemmawe broke of ok (probably for the 100th time and this time for real). (oh teera, get over him, dont even think about getting back together) this is paul , we're talking about!this is how paul and i work and and basically are:we have this ON-AND-OFF thing together, it's weird. i'm not even sure "love" is really the "thing" we have here. we're SO complicated. it's like a game we play. :l

i dont get it.the weird thing is, we never do really get tired of playing this "game". though we spend every minute together before i decided to "vanish" from his sight. (i thought he would never notice but he did.. suprise suprise), paul is just a heartthrob and everygirls dream to have him involve in your love life to be specific but i dont know how i ended up with him. it's just eeeeeeeeeeerghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. complicated.

this is why i'm not dating anybody. and never end up with anyone other than him
it's almost like i'm under his spell and he's under mine

:/

made for walking

2008-02-23T12:05:00.000-08:00